These five months have been incredible. . . a time lost in grace.
I began student teaching full of apprehension, doubt, and discouragement, and was gently led by my mentor teacher and seventy-two students. At first, my eyes were blinded to His goodness and focused on the temporal: the mileage on my beloved truck, time away from friends, my limitations and end of myself. And yet I was reminded of a simple man's truth spoken thousands of years ago, "Follow me." Not surprisingly, when I took His hand, I was undeniably blessed. God used my mentor teacher to hone my teacher's craft despite my unworthiness. Soon, my confidence grew and my passion for educating students reignited. I began to run and run and run towards perfection and light and truth in the joy of children. I was lost in it all. . . drowning and resurfacing in the beauty of the waves. God had prepared good works ahead of me at Anderson-Shiro. Not to mention God's good gifts to me. In a supernatural event, my desires lined up with His desires, and I got accepted to work for a company I had been passionate about for years. Then, a sweet friend pursued me for something more than I could have ever imagined. He taught me grace and love and truth found in knowing Christ deeply, and what it means to be wholeheartedly running the race alongside a friend I desperately needed. Even when my truck broke down twice, and patiently saying "no" to five other cars, God provided a beautiful new car for exponentially less than I expected. If I could summarize this year, it has been a kaleidoscopic light, my world aglow with a hope unimaginable. He has provided time and time again while I hadn't heard from Him in months. He's a wind, unseen but present, changing the course of the leaves and my life. I have been reading a book called Absolute Surrender, by Andrew Murray. I have grown more reading this book than I have since reading The Hiding Place. In it, Murray writes, "God does not ask you to perfectly surrender in your own strength or by the power of your will; God is willing to work it in you." It is God's will to work surrender in my feeble life! What freedom and relief. In the New Testament, we are taught that the altar sanctifies the gift. As I have laid down my gifts on his altar, it is Christ, my altar, that sanctifies. . . He has sanctified this semester, my relationships, my love and ache and expression. He is worthy of my continual sacrifice of praise. I wish I could play an instrument just to bring music to His ears. This morning, I drove across Rock Prairie and encountered a box turtle. He was massive and obvious and it would've been a shame to continue driving. I parked my jeep on the side of the road and walked out to him just as he retreated into his shell. I grabbed his slimy sides, coated in algae and mud and flecks of grass, and carried him to the other side. Unfortunately, he released his bowels all down my leg and sandal, but I helped him cross the road. And that is what I am. I am a turtle that simply needs help crossing. . . I am learning about my Maker and how he watches and restores me. I am taking time to turn my eyes and my heart away from this world, away from all the loving and generous faces surrounding me, away from the joy and greed and sorrow that follows me, and fixing my eyes on the face of Jesus. And today, I'll wait for my Birkenstocks to dry.
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