A poem for my little girls who make me so proud. A good friend of mine, Justin, spoke to all of our kids last week and said, "What is your favorite animal? I am sure it wouldn't be a sheep." And explained that we are like sheep, sheep that need a Great Shepherd.
"Lord, Lord, Why did You make me Black?" (1994) by RuNett Nia Ebo Lord ... Why did you make me black? Why did you make someone the world would hold back? Black is the color of dirty clothes, of grimy hands and feet... Black is the color of darkness, of tired beaten streets... Why did you give me thick lips, a broad nose and kinky hair? Why did you create someone who receives the hated stare? Black is the color of the bruised eye when someone gets hurt... Black is the color of darkness, black is the color of dirt. Why is my bone structure so thick, my hips and cheeks so high? Why are my eyes brown, and not the color of the sky? Why do people think I'm useless? How come I feel so used? Why do people see my skin and think I should be abused? Lord, I just don't understand... What is it about my skin? Why is it some people want to hate me and not know the person within? Black is what people are "Labeled" when others want to keep them away... Black is the color of shadows cast... Black is the end of the day. Lord you know my own people mistreat me, and you know this just ain't right... They don't like my hair, they don't like my skin, as they say I'm too dark or too light! Lord, don't you think it's time to make a change? Why don't you redo creation and make everyone the same? God's Reply: Why did I make you black? Why did I make you black? I made you in the color of coal from which beautiful diamonds are formed... I made you in the color of oil, the black gold which keeps people warm. Your color is the same as the rich dark soil that grows the food you need... Your color is the same as the black stallion and panther, Oh what majestic creatures indeed! All colors of the heavenly rainbow can be found throughout every nation... When all these colors are blended, you become my greatest creation! Your hair is the texture of lamb's wool, such a beautiful creature is he... I am the shepherd who watches them, I will ALWAYS watch over thee! You are the color of the midnight sky, I put star glitter in your eyes... There's a beautiful smile hidden behind your pain... That's why your cheeks are so high! You are the color of dark clouds from the hurricanes I create in September... I made your lips so full and thick, so when you kiss... they will remember! Your stature is strong, your bone structure thick to withstand the burden of time... The reflection you see in the mirror, that image that looks back, that is MINE! So get off your knees, look in the mirror and tell me what you see? I didn't make you in the image of darkness... I made you in the image of ME! There are some months where I feel keen nostalgia, deep in the hot-pink heart of hearts. Especially this season, I've seen very little sun and too much fog. Seeing the sun this glorious week is like being in summertime skin: chlorinated, bleached, pristine, rested.
My desktop is an image of a rutted path leading around a copse of ivy-laden trees. In the background is a brownstone with a shiny metallic roof. I stare at my computer screen too often daydreaming that I'm goin' up around the bend in search of a close friend. Sometimes, when I can't fall asleep, I think, Will I find that friend around the bend? I certainly am not daydreaming about Jesus. I'm dreaming of red paisley quilts and when I can say "fare thee well" to singleness. I certainly didn't intend for me to be here, in 2018, at the place I am at. Single. The Same. Standing. Sometimes I feel people make decisions for me. I get rejection letters and future choices written by other people. I get frustrated by my lack of "going" because I'm tethered to the ground. I am not lashing out rebelliously (well, I guess I am), but sometimes I doubt "like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind" (James 1:6). It is hard to relinquish control when I believe the worst about His good for me. I wrestle like Jacob, trying to understand an infinite God in my peanut brown brain. But sweet nostalgia. She brings me a dry blanket for my weeping shoulders. She reminds me of my yellowed cameos and antique shops. She's a gift from God. He tells my gift to keep dreamin', to tuck away in my hope chest. I can save those rejection letters as a token of His faithfulness. I want to remain steadfast in these light, simple trials that my heart dramatically grieves in. So to all you Bob Dylan fans, don't think twice, it's alright. I'm not singing to anyone in particular but my heart. I ain't saying you treated me unkind You could have done better, but I don't mind And you just sorta wasted my precious time But don't think twice it's all right (Bob Dylan, Don't Think Twice, It's Alright [1962]) Heart, I'm not mad at you for wishing away 2016. I'll pat the side of my chair for you to sit beside me in 2018. Because we're centrally located in the pulse and rhythm of a Lifeblood. Coursing through, steeplechase, Camptown race-track five miles long. Taking that Greyhound bus to an unfamiliar destination but a familiar ending. "I listen to the wind, to the wind of my soul. Where I'll end up, only God really knows." - Cat Stevens (1971) |
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September 2020
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