Antique stores. Pink cameos. Roman candles. Romance novels. Ever since I hit the double digits, I have loved love. Being in love. Falling in love. Nat King Cole's L-O-V-E!
As a girl, I used to sit on top of my bunk bed, listen to the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack, and write love stories. Granted it was mostly plagiarized, but I still loved writing about two characters falling in love. As I grew out of writing in my three-subject notebooks and onto my laptop, the stories became more individualized—more me. Essentially, they were dreams for future bliss. I thought that by the time I turned eighteen, I would be seriously dating and completely, utterly, incandescently in love. After all, Elizabeth met Mr. Darcy when she was almost twenty. And Jo March met Laurie when she was a girl of sixteen! However, as my time in college diminishes, it is easy for me to look back at all that I had done. I went overseas three times! I mentor college and junior high school girls! I wrote a research paper about Jane Austen’s life in the town of Bath, England! I did things I never imagined. However, the few things I did imagine, like having a boyfriend, have yet to be fulfilled. Don’t misunderstand me. I have thoroughly enjoyed the past three years in college. Being single has not undervalued my time in any way--nothing could be further from the truth. However, in the heart of my hearts, there is a yearning to be noticed and accepted as a woman. That yearning manifests itself in answering, "Yes!" to the question: "Are you interested in anyone?" While I feel I am one in a billion, I know I am not alone in this. Almost every woman, regardless of age, career, dating history, or otherwise, wonders about the future. Wonders about that "special someone." It makes me cringe, because I know the potential of writing this may make me sound love-struck. Believe me when I say, I am of sound mind! I know Christ gave me my hopeless romanticism for a reason. It wasn't so I would be head-over-heels in love with every man that entered my life. If it was, I would be a difficult person for myself to be around! No. It was so I would remain optimistic, find boldness and passion in writing things that matter, and see beauty the way God wanted me to. With my finite, lumpy wisdom, I say this: love yourself, and cling to the God who made you you. He gives me complete validation as a woman, dreamer, and doer. God's presence is my good (Psalm 73:28). Rest contentedly in the cusp of His mighty, gracious hands. Rest like a hound laying on a screened-in porch, or a butterfly in the folds of a petal. He won't let you or your secret heart slip through His fingers. Inherit His peace. And be eager in expectation! All of this waiting, wishing, dreaming, seeking, exploring, striving, is a foretaste of joy ahead!
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